Biologically 'unclaimed' and sadistically celebrated 26/11 icon, Ajmal Kasab has done the unimaginable again. Yesterday night, Ajmal Kasab gave birth to three eggs. Initially, they were thought to be bombs and the entire area within 4 kilometres of X$%9%## Jail was cordoned off, bringing the Mumbai city to complete stand-still for 3.23 minutes. There was no impact in far-away Kolkata, as it is always on 'standstill'. As the bomb-squad was trying to check the eggs, one of them blew off with a shrill bloop and everybody around had egg on their face. However, biological tests on the eggs confirmed that they were just that. EGGS. Both the father and the two eggs remaining, are reported to be doing fine. They are of the size of Mayawati's brains; are cream-complexioned and freckled, like her Australian counterpart - the Ostrich.
The CBI does not suspect a foul play and believe that it was most likely caused by faulty wiring in the recently replaced 'guts'. Apparently, Kasab's original (natural) guts - and this guy does have some guts!! - had been detached for questioning in the runaway Reality Show 'Sach Ka Saamna'. The incident has stirred the government into motion, quickly realising that this will further delay the prosecution of Kasab. A fresh dossier (no. 1936) is being prepared to explain the origination of the eggs. Given that elections are due in Maharashtra, the government also plans to send the eggs for trial, accusing it of supporting terrorism by way of origination. The state CM, Mr. Ashok Chavan contended that Kasab unleashed terror because he had lots of guts. The eggs are a by-product of his guts. Hence, as post-descendant form of his guts, the government can rightfully prosecute it for waging war against the nation.
Reportedly, Angelina Jolie Pitt, the renowned-international-adoption-maniac has evinced interest in adopting the eggs. "They look pretty organic and....". And, before she could finish, the MNS and Bajarang Dal led by Raj Thakre, Praveen Togadia and Varun Gandhi barged into the room demanding a CBI inquiry and stay on the adoption till the origins and nationality of the egg is established. There are other non-descript organizations (like Shitala Vyayam Sangh, Badbola Housing Society, Bandra Working Women's Association etc.) that have started candle-light vigil to prevent the egg from being relocated. The entire city is fleeting with candles.
Finally, the Prime Minister - who happened to be in Mumbai for the opening ceremony of Mukesh Ambani's new apartment - had to step in. That day, he was supposed to make only one speech, but ended up making three. Actually, he wanted to make none, but he made three!! That was pretty embarrassing given that he has the unique ability to make the most interesting topics go haywire. Although, he is a nice person and has families to support in these recession times, his speeches are something to be sneezed at. And good, decent people can also be rubbish at their jobs. The media team surrounding the Prime Minister has a simple task - Make the PM look 'Prime Minister-like'.
"Look into the mirror - Think Sardar Patel, not Sardar Banta Singh.", his media advisor suggested to inject some confidence boosters. But.... ...good, decent people can also be rubbish at their jobs. The PM made things worse. As he stepped onto the podium to reassure the agitated audience that everything was steady and under control, his fumbling gaze and mumbling-for-words oratory made it worse. You can't blame him as he is still learning on the job.
PS: Is this the man heading the government in charge of our fate and security? Which is the bigger threat to the country - Ajmal Kasab or the Government?