12 September, 2009

Right-wing Krishna fans demolish Behenji's Dalit-upliftment (Part I)


This is a two-series crap. Period. Before I start talking about the Krishna Janmabhoomi movement, it is important to understand the historical context to this. Hence, the first part of the series...

Sometime recently, way before the 10th century, Islam was born. Hinduism, as they say, pre-existed everything mortal. Both were peace-loving, co-existent communities until two incidents changed that forever. A learned Guru (Aryabhatta??) got frustrated with a Muslim moron and invented ZERO while grading his Sanskrit papers. The Muslims felt discriminated. In an unrelated incident, a Hindu Jain was slapped by a Muslim when they were fighting for the same wall to pee upon. Later, the Jain even apologised to the Muslim for having 'provoked' him. The Muslim felt offended by the Gandhian overtures.

Once these news spread, the Muslims/ Afghans/ Turkish from all crazy places invaded our country and heaped tremendous atrocities. Hindus - as always - had lumpen good-for-nothing kings ruling them; hence, they succumbed with little resistance. Since Hindus had put up cows and temples all over the place, the Muslims enjoyed razing them - it became their favorite pastime. Babar - a Mughal emperor - was the most accomplished 'demolisher', his career high-point being razing of some non-descript Ram Mandir near Ayodhya. Since Ram was not around by then, there was no one to resist the 'Babar-ic' demolition of the mandir.

Centuries later, another person named Gandhi had the moronic thought that it was possible to unite the Hindus and Muslims. To this end, he sacrificed a lot to the point of self-destruction. The end-result was a partition of land, people and mind. The 'lousy' Muslims were separated from India with lots of land, resources and alimony. The 'more lousy' Muslims were retained in India. That was the first recorded incident of minority appeasement. The Hindu frustration with this 'minority appeasement' resulted in the formation of a few radical right-wing organisations - VHP, RSS and the ilks - with several fundies attempting to re-write the Hindu philosophy (birth of Hindutva!!). In the early 1990s, the Kar Sevaks - in a stupid attempt to reverse-engineer the Babri Masjid ended up destroying it. Actually, they wanted to only 'move' the mosque, but ended up destroying it!! That - in history books and webspace - got firmly entrenched as the RAM JANMABHOOMI MOVEMENT. Soon, the country had only two kinds - the communal Hindu on one end, and the pseudo-secular Hindu-bashers, communists and (of course) minorities at the other end. Many argue that the Gandhi family do not fall into either of the above categories - they are a category of their own.

Exactly two decades later (2009 AD), the political arm (or 'farm'??) of the Right-wing seculars got thrashed in the elections. They needed another alibi to get back to the main-stream. At around the same time, a megalomaniac 'Dalit ki beti' (henceforth, we will call her 'Behenji') was on a memorial-building spree, ribbon-cutting her own statues every other day. Soon, there were no ribbons available in the market. So, Behenji decided to build a castle for herself. As they say, history repeats itself!! In an interview, the renowned astrologer - Bejan Whisky-wala - propounded that Behenji was actually a re-incarnation of that Mughal 'invader' BABAR!! This became the breaking news for days to come, furhter aggravating the Hindu right-wing. But, then I am digressing...

In order to build her grand mansion, Behenji had demolished everything within the parameters of her 1 lakh sqft abode. That was indeed 'Babar-ic'. And, again, the mistake she made was not to get good archaeologists to advise her. With the completion of this mansion, suddenly the Dalits of India got empowered. Lives of a million Dalits got transformed overnight. As for the non-Dalits in Behen-ji's empire, they were still trying to figure out if they were Sharma or Verma or Mishra.... A biographer of Behenji published a treatise titled "The taxonomy of Dalit-ism". Though, generally too complex for mere mortals, it essentially said that Dalit-ism is like an infinite loop that goes round and round into itself. Philosophically, a Dalit is a 'he' as well as a 'she' as well as 'it'. One of the readers published a counter-thesis titled "The taxonomy of Behen-ji!!". Ooops... .. I am digressing again...

OK..... Meanwhile, someone informed the Right-wing Hindu fundies that Behenji's mansion has been built on a site where a jail existed some milli-centuries ago. Lord Krishna was born in the same jail. The Right-wing party wanted to celebratethe 6427th birthday of Lord Sri Krishna - and they wanted to do it at the same spot where the jail existed. Needless to mention, this seeded the KRISHNA JANMABHOOMI MOVEMENT - a frenzy for another Ayodhya-like movement....

(.... to be continued...)


Now... now... now... Let us use our combined creativity and blogging skills to 'write' PART TWO of this article!! Buddies... just write your contents in the "Comments" section that continue this story, the condition being that it should be humorous with no 'extremist' offences to any individual, religion or sect. All contributions will be duly acknowledged...


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if I should be commenting, but Sudarshan, what's with your post ? You are angry and the post is just an acrid spillage of your bile. You call Mahatma Gandhi a moron and muslims lousy and expect people to contribute to your flow ?

Having a contrarian point is fine. I get that you are angry with the overt minority appeasement. The topic is moot. But isn't there a sane and sensible way to convey your view-point ?

Excessive anger just conveys a weak thought. Your post is full of anger and hatred. If your goal is 'awe and disgust' I'm sure your will get that ; but if you hoped for a dialogue and participation I'm sure you will not getting much of either..

Sudarshan Bengani said...

I guess I know who you are.... Anyway, thanks for the feedback....

...... Now, let us take a few steps back and assess if the content is argumentative or plain attempt at humour/ sarcasm. It is evident that this is NOT a blog for serious discussions. You can accuse my 'sense of humour' as being crude or disparaging or useless; but, to say that I have been venting my anger/ frustration is a very superficial and knee-jerk statement. For that matter, I have called myself all kind of names in another blog aritcle (The futile arrest of Sudarshan.....).

At the risk of further alienating you, I will request you to read the post again - at leisure and with open mind. Then, let us take this piece by piece.

1. When I used the word 'moron' or 'lousy', nowhere did I mean it seriously. Specifically for Gandhiji, it was in context of his attempt for a 'united' India. But the very next sentence acknowledges the sacrifices he made. In fact, I am NOBODY to judge him.

2. In regards to 'minority appeasement' - both the contexts (Aryabhatta inventing ZERO of the fighting for a 'wall') were non-serious in nature. Further down, is it not a fact that the rise of right-wing Hindutva was accelerated by overt appeasement? But, that is a different topic altogether. Where in the article did I de-fragment or oppose minority appeasement?

3. There is no 'contrarian point of view' - In fact I am one of those kind who keep changing his point of view depending on who you are, where you are and what time of day it is. This aritcle was just an attempt to create something funny by tying together different historical incidents, culminating in linking of the non-existent 'Krishan Janmabhumi Movement' to the nonsense of Statue building spree in UP.

May you get your peace of mind... ... i am pretty sure you will not find that at this blogsite...

SUSH said...

Sudarshan:

Why do you even need to respond to drab people like ANON, who are afraid to even come out in the open?

As usual, this one was a great piece - Aryabhatta inventing ZERO - Zimpllly HILARIOUS

Aditya said...

Marvelous post. This should come in the front page in bold letters and even then people wont understand what exactly you are trying to say-Morons seriously.

Hilarious and wonderful. Keep writing! :)

Talking Skull said...

@SUSH: Generally, I am very open to criticisms... It is not necessary that we 'connect' with all. And, all the sundries who do not think/ act on the same wavelength can still co-exist.

@Aditya: Thanks again. You have been particularly generous with praise. And, believe me, it means a lot to 'novice' bloggers like me. Thanks a ton.

Talking Skull said...

@Aditya: I would tend to agree. This is probably my most 'creative' post yet. Another favorite of mine (althouh somewhat hyper-critical) is "Why BENGAL bhill nebhar recobhar..."...



Sudarshan is a blooming nerd and has intermittent fits of verbal diarrohea. This is when he vomits on this blog-page. The views expressed on this blog are those of his alter-ego and represent neither his personal thoughts nor those of his organisation, clan or family. In fact, Sudarshan and his (alleged) alter-ego are fine examples of a person using his freedom to the fullest while trying to deny it to his fellow-citizens. The best way to deal with him is to ignore him.