BJP fails to sabotage Rahul's Kalavati

The BJP continues to have a tough time. For a party that calls itself right-wing, it has been getting almost everything wrong.

It has been embarrassed (again!!) by a failed attempt to woo Kalavati Bandurkar, the new entrant in the politickle circle, who filed her nomination papers from Wani assembly constituency as an independent. Yes, the same Kalavati that Rahul Gandhi used as a pretext to grind the Parliament to a slow, boring near-death experience. To the uninitiated, sometime in very-recent-history, the prince of Congress' India - Rahul Gandhi - bumped into her during his 'Discover India' adventure. Actually, looking at the wafer-thin profiles across the road, Rahul was overjoyed with the thought of having discovered a new species, only to be corrected by by his aide that these were Rural Indians (taxonomy: Homo Sapiens Rurale Indiana). Rahul had probably haven’t been to hell yet. Hence, they took him to a remote village. Apparently, Rahul was intrigued by the walking-talking species so skinny that they did not need X-Rays. He wanted one of them to be part of the cabinet, so that his propaganda for 'Austerity Measures' gets a good mascot. And, nothing symbolised that better than Kalavati and her ilks. Oops, I am digressing again...

Now... Navjot Singh Sidhu, the ever-guffawing star leader of BJP had been entrusted the task of formally inducting Kalavati into BJP. The groundwork had already been done by Advani - the two only needed to ink the deal. But, after gazillion appearances on bawdy comedy shows and hysterical laughing on crappy jokes (crappier than the ones penned by Sudarshan on this site), Sidhu's facial muscles had attained Nirvana, and had been frozen in the ever-lasting auto-bio-metabolic state of hysterical laughing. This was accompanied by vociferous thumping of any solid object (preferably, a table) every two minutes.

Despite his best, Sidhu has been unable to reverse this state. Doctors say this is a unique but rapidly proliferating epidemic where the person suffers from freezing of facial muscles (French: gel des muscles faciaux) into a constant flux, sometimes these flux can be cyclical as in the case of former-PM Vajpayee (when he would shut his eyes and mutter "Yeh acchhi baat nahin hai..."). Some very well known celebrities like Sidhu, Mamata Banerjee, Pratibha Patil, Abhishek Bachchan, Ashutosh Gowarikar, Ricky Ponting, George Bush, Sylvester Stallone et al suffer from this ailment. They all have one thing in common - they all carry a facial expression that has been locked into that specific state for eternity. Doctors say that this happens due to continual usage of the same expression on a regular basis, resulting in facial muscles freezing into a distorted flux.

Reverting back to this particular case.... The incident happened when Kalavati informed Sidhu about the fact that she had a death in the family - her husband's nephew's mother-in-law's uncle had expired. This reverted Sidhu back to the auto-pilot mode of hysterical laughing "Haa haa heh heh hoo hoo..... ". After he had soiled himself for about the sixth time, he continued "Haa haa heh heh hoo hoo..... so... will he go to hell or a shell? Ha ha hee ho ho.. ", Sidhu constantly rolled and thumped and tossed on the charpai for 3.14 minutes, thumping the laddoo offered to him into a thick paste. Alongside, he went on to recite some incomprehensible verses that sounded something like "Ooye Guru.. Thoko taali thoko taali.... He was like a one-legged man in a bum-kicking competition.... ha ha.." This did not amuse Kalavati and her five supporters. So, she decided to let go of BJP too, and contest as an independent.

When he spoke to The Pioneer after the incident, Sidhu was very upset, but continued laughing, "This was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life... ha ha heh heh ho ho ho... But, you can never unscramble eggs... ha he heh hehe ho...", he signed off without any visible efforts to stop his laughter.